Do you think she consider me as a friend?

[Cheri]

We are doing language exchange, and both of us are girls and I am trying to make friends with her.
She is from the U.S.,we meet each other about one time a week, she always asks me "how are you?" and I always say " good,thanks" and she says" good" and she will ask me ' how was your weekend?"
everytime we meet she would ask me the same questions in the beginning, and we have been like this for about 3 months.
Last week I tried to be friendly so I told her that we can extend her language time longer and shorten my language time if she want to learn more,it is okay for me as I have other sources to learn. And suddenly she became angry and said " no, I want to help you."
after the exchange, I asked her if I could go to her office to talk to her during her office hour, she thought for a while and said " I guess not, I have to work" and I said if I could talk to her after work " she thought a few seconds and said "i am busy,have to go to different places"

Do you think she consider me as her friend?

[charliestcloud]

Is she shy??

[Cheri]

no, not at all.

[osiris]

The last time you posted about this we pointed out that coming to her work place is not appropriate. She has to work, she gets paid for it and having random people, friends or not, in her work place would be frowned upon by her boss.

To be perfectly frank, we are not agony aunts, this is an autograph forum so our expertise in this area is limited! We're not really the best people to ask... we don't know you or the people you're asking about.

It may be best to speak to her directly about your concerns. Just explain that you enjoy her company and maybe you could meet at another venue socially, but say that if she sees this as more of a buisness arrangement then that's fine, but you'd like to know.

Regarding your other topic about the girl in your class, friendships are acquired over time... you dont just say "Hi I want to be friends with you." You can't just pick up friends like that. You COULD go up to her and suggest you go for a coffee after class, or would she like to see that new movie that's just opened or if you're going shopping, ask if she's like to accompany you or something. You know... talk to her, ask what her interests are. Get to know her.

Good luck.

EDIT - I've just noticed. In your two previous topics you state you are Japanese and Taiwanese. Which are you?

[Cheri]

Thanks for your suggestion. I agree, it is not a good idea to talk about this kind of problem in this forum, we should talk about autograph. I am sorry !

Well, I am both Japanese and Taiwanese because of my family.

Have a nice day!

[Jaffer]

There is not a lot we can do to help as we are not there to study her body language etc.

Seems to me this is the classic example of a self-fulfilling prophecy. In your paranoia that this girl might not like you, you try too hard to be friends, thus annoying her and making her not like you!

[Cheri]

I think you are right! Thank you very much. I should not waste too much time.

[zzublue]

It is a difference between westerners and Asians. For westerners, there is a "space" which separates themselves and others. It's a "line" that others should not cross. For Asians, however, usually there isn't. So that's what many Asians experience in Western society. A type of culture shock, I guess. I'm a Korean, also an Asian. I have experienced that kind of thing once when I had an American friend. It often naturally occurs because of a culture difference. Don't worry, but make sure you respect her space.

[Jaffer]

It is a difference between westerners and Asians. For westerners, there is a "space" which separates themselves and others. It's a "line" that others should not cross. For Asians, however, usually there isn't. So that's what many Asians experience in Western society. A type of culture shock, I guess. I'm a Korean, also an Asian. I have experienced that kind of thing once when I had an American friend. It often naturally occurs because of a culture difference. Don't worry, but make sure you respect her space.

What do you mean by that?

[zzublue]

Well, there's a psychology book I'm working on these days, and its chapter about friends&relations said that if someone you want to be friends with seems to avoid you or think of you annoying, then you probably infringed his or her space. So it talked about some cultural differences about the way of making friends, and it also had some tips for Asians who want a smooth friendship with westerners, like not try to be too close or persistent. I don't know if everyone agrees with that, but I thought what I read would be helpful to Cheri, so I talked about it.