It's for Josh Duhamel. Please give me some advices. I've rewritten it and this is the new one. The old one is here --> viewtopic.php?f=117&t=151493 -- You can compare them...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Josh, how have you been? My name is Shane. I’m from Taiwan. I’m 19 years old and a sophomore in Chung Yuan Christian University. I major in Finance. I enjoy learning English but I still chose to study finance anyway. I spend most of my free time surfing the internet and listening to music. I love almost all kinds of music. Of course I also spend some of my free time exercising. I like playing volleyball, tennis and badminton. Besides, I’ve joined the volleyball team of finance department since I was a freshman. By the way, I think we share the same interest on soccer! I know you love playing soccer but I do love watching soccer games lol. It’s hard for me to fine a football field actually. I watch the World Cup every four year!! I am also a film freak. As long as a new film comes out, I can wait to see it. Of course I mean the films I like such as Transformers! As you can see, my favorite type of film is action and science fiction. I love films which can get me excited and hot-blooded. Well, It’s all Shane!
I am your biggest fan of you and your films especially Transformers. It’s very popular here in Taiwan and is probably the coolest film I’ve ever seen. I have to say it’s my pleasure to write a letter to you because you are a Captain Lennox! What a hero! You really fit the character, Captain Lennox, very well. I think no other actors can do any better than you did and Transformers would not be complete without you – Captain Lennox! I really can’t wait to see your next film, When In Rome. Is that right? It looks like a romantic love film which is great as well and can show the totally different part of you from the Transformers you were in. It’s cool to know that you are also a model. I should have known it because you are super tall haha.
I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, Could I have your autograph? If so, thank you! It will be my first, one and only autograph. Actually, I’ve never sent a letter to any other movie star like this. You are the first one!! Besides, can you write something to me as a reply? I know you must be very busy but…that’s just my wish.
I’m sorry if my handwriting is hard for you to read or my English is not easy for you to understand. That’s because English is not my language. I’ve learned it for just few years. I’ve tried my best. I can write Chinese if you want lol haha.
Thanks for spending your precious time reading my letter and thanks for your autograph! I appreciate it!!
Wish you a big success
Shane
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's all........Is it ok?
What do you think of my letter?
Forum rules
Sponsored link: Browse safely with Opera free VPN! Download now!
Search the message board 
Sponsored link: Browse safely with Opera free VPN! Download now!
Search the message board
What do you think of my letter?
Last edited by lim10337 on Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: What do you think of my letter?
MUCH BETTER THAN BE4......But The Body About YOU is Still Too Much.....I Wouldnt Tell The Person tHAT MUCH About URself...But Thats JUST ME....
-
Lauren81492
- Autograph Collector
- Posts: 210
- Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 11:45 pm
- Contact:
Re: What do you think of my letter?
It's definitely better. I cleaned it up a little bit and shortened it some. This is just a guideline, you don't have to write it like this, but I think this right here would be a nice letter to send.
Dear Josh,
How have you been? My name is Shane and I’m from Taiwan. I’m 19 years old and a sophomore in Chung Yuan Christian University. I major in Finance. I enjoy learning English but I chose to study finance anyway.
I am the biggest fan of you and your films, especially Transformers. It’s very popular here in Taiwan and is probably the coolest film I’ve ever seen. You really fit the character of Captain Lennox very well. I think no other actors can do any better than you did and Transformers would not be complete without you! I really can’t wait to see your next film, When In Rome. It looks like a romantic love film which is great as well and can show a totally different part of you from Transformers. It’s cool to know that you are also a model. I should have known it because you are super tall!
I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, could I have your autograph? If so, thank you! It will be my first autograph, I’ve never sent a letter to any other movie star!
Thanks for spending your precious time reading my letter and for your autograph, I appreciate it!
Wishing you big success,
Shane
Dear Josh,
How have you been? My name is Shane and I’m from Taiwan. I’m 19 years old and a sophomore in Chung Yuan Christian University. I major in Finance. I enjoy learning English but I chose to study finance anyway.
I am the biggest fan of you and your films, especially Transformers. It’s very popular here in Taiwan and is probably the coolest film I’ve ever seen. You really fit the character of Captain Lennox very well. I think no other actors can do any better than you did and Transformers would not be complete without you! I really can’t wait to see your next film, When In Rome. It looks like a romantic love film which is great as well and can show a totally different part of you from Transformers. It’s cool to know that you are also a model. I should have known it because you are super tall!
I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, could I have your autograph? If so, thank you! It will be my first autograph, I’ve never sent a letter to any other movie star!
Thanks for spending your precious time reading my letter and for your autograph, I appreciate it!
Wishing you big success,
Shane
Re: What do you think of my letter?
I would cut away everything about "this is my first and only autograph" and the "how have you been?" at the beginning.
Re: What do you think of my letter?
This Line Is Sooo Creepy And I DONT Believe It:
"... If so, thank you! It will be my first autograph, I’ve never sent a letter to any other movie star!...."
I Would Think You Were Saying That because You Want a Signed Photo....lol.
"... If so, thank you! It will be my first autograph, I’ve never sent a letter to any other movie star!...."
I Would Think You Were Saying That because You Want a Signed Photo....lol.
-
HarajukuGirl92
- Autograph Collector
- Posts: 95
- Joined: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:47 am
- Contact:
Re: What do you think of my letter?
It's not bad at all. Translations always are alittle different. I don't think it's creppy at all. Everyone needs to be NICE. I try to keep mine short-ish. But if its long thats fine to 
Re: What do you think of my letter?
Yea Im Nice BUT Im ALSO HONEST.....And Some Parts of It Were Weird...Im Sry But It Was....And I Would WANT This Person To gEt Back a SUCCESS So I Tell The TRUTH And The LEtter Should Be Two PAragraphs And Thats About ITs....TELL THEM CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF...TELL THEM WHY YOU LOVE THEM And If They Inspired You AND ASK FOR A SIGNED PHOTO....SHORT AND SWEET AND TO THE POINT...SOMETIMES SIMPLE IS BETTER!HarajukuGirl92 wrote:It's not bad at all. Translations always are alittle different. I don't think it's creppy at all. Everyone needs to be NICE. I try to keep mine short-ish. But if its long thats fine to
This Person's Letter is Too Long...But Very Good Try... Re: What do you think of my letter?
Thank you guys for all your help. but I'm still so confused........
some say you should talk about yourself more while others say you should keep it short...
some say it's too long and weird while others say it's ok...
It might because I'm not good at English and I can't write perfect English so it always looks weird and bad...
What am I suppose to do now?
By the way I have really never done this before...
some say you should talk about yourself more while others say you should keep it short...
some say it's too long and weird while others say it's ok...
It might because I'm not good at English and I can't write perfect English so it always looks weird and bad...
What am I suppose to do now?
By the way I have really never done this before...
-
KatrinaLouise
- Autograph Collector
- Posts: 175
- Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:17 pm
- Contact:
Re: What do you think of my letter?
I think the reason you are getting so many different responses about how to write the 'perfect 'letter' is because writing a letter is highly subjective. Each and every person is going to right things a little bit differently and in their own unique style. Because of this when people reply they are working on their own model - even though each letter maybe unique - so to speak.
I personally believe that it is important to write about yourself as most people say but there should be a limit as to what you put. In your original letter there was very little which was actually about yourself as a person while in this second letter there was a great deal of information. I think that it would be best to try to strike a balance and get it somewhere in the middle. The first part where you introduce yourself - from my name is Shane - through to the bit where you say that you chose to study finance but that you enjoy studying english is very good and gives the person a nice overview of you as a person. After this point you go in to a lot of detail about yourself which could be seen as overkill and may bore the person reading. Perhaps it would be wise to trim it down a little. You could say that you enjoy exercising and are invovled in many sports but without naming specifics. Then you could follow on by saying how much you like films as you have done in this letter because this fits in with the person you are writing too.
The second paragraph is very good although the bit about the fact you should have known he was a model because he is super tall rings a little strange with me but that is most likely just my opinion. Perhaps you could say why you think it is cool that he is also a model.
The third paragraph reads a little strangely to me but again it is my opinion. The first bit is very good especially the fact that you have thanked him. However, the sentences following the thank you are the ones which I find a little odd. I think it is alright to mention that he is the first request that you have written but I think I would have worded it differently perhaps saying something like - 'I have never written a letter to a celebrity before but I chose to write to you because I admired your performance in the Transformers film so I would be very grateful if you could send me an autograph.' I also think that you should cut the bit about wanting him to write you a reply as this could be considered pushy by the celebrity.
I think it is good that you have mentioned your handwriting and that fact that English is not your native tongue.
Thanking the person is very good too and seems very polite although perhaps the 'precious time' bit is a little over the top but that is again my personal opinion.
Your letter is good and what I have written is my opinion and my opinion alone and there will be people who disagree with what I say and those who will agree. Writing a letter is a personally thing and you should find your own way it in.
I hope that I have helped you in some way and I hope that nothing I have said causes you offence. Good luck in your request.
I personally believe that it is important to write about yourself as most people say but there should be a limit as to what you put. In your original letter there was very little which was actually about yourself as a person while in this second letter there was a great deal of information. I think that it would be best to try to strike a balance and get it somewhere in the middle. The first part where you introduce yourself - from my name is Shane - through to the bit where you say that you chose to study finance but that you enjoy studying english is very good and gives the person a nice overview of you as a person. After this point you go in to a lot of detail about yourself which could be seen as overkill and may bore the person reading. Perhaps it would be wise to trim it down a little. You could say that you enjoy exercising and are invovled in many sports but without naming specifics. Then you could follow on by saying how much you like films as you have done in this letter because this fits in with the person you are writing too.
The second paragraph is very good although the bit about the fact you should have known he was a model because he is super tall rings a little strange with me but that is most likely just my opinion. Perhaps you could say why you think it is cool that he is also a model.
The third paragraph reads a little strangely to me but again it is my opinion. The first bit is very good especially the fact that you have thanked him. However, the sentences following the thank you are the ones which I find a little odd. I think it is alright to mention that he is the first request that you have written but I think I would have worded it differently perhaps saying something like - 'I have never written a letter to a celebrity before but I chose to write to you because I admired your performance in the Transformers film so I would be very grateful if you could send me an autograph.' I also think that you should cut the bit about wanting him to write you a reply as this could be considered pushy by the celebrity.
I think it is good that you have mentioned your handwriting and that fact that English is not your native tongue.
Thanking the person is very good too and seems very polite although perhaps the 'precious time' bit is a little over the top but that is again my personal opinion.
Your letter is good and what I have written is my opinion and my opinion alone and there will be people who disagree with what I say and those who will agree. Writing a letter is a personally thing and you should find your own way it in.
I hope that I have helped you in some way and I hope that nothing I have said causes you offence. Good luck in your request.
Re: What do you think of my letter?
WOW THANK YOU KatrinaLouise! I have corrected it a little bit after reading your advices.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Josh, how have you been? My name is Shane. I’m from Taiwan. I’m 19 years old and a sophomore in Chung Yuan Christian University. I major in Finance. I enjoy learning English but I still chose to study finance anyway. I spend most of my free time surfing the internet and listening to music. I love almost all kinds of music. Of course I also spend some of my free time exercising. I’ve joined the volleyball team of finance department since I was a freshman. By the way, I think we share the same interest on soccer! I know you love playing soccer but I do love watching soccer games lol. It’s hard for me to fine a football field actually. I watch the World Cup every four year!! I am also a film freak. As long as a new film comes out, I can wait to see it. Of course I mean the films I like such as Transformers! As you can see, my favorite type of film is action and science fiction. I love films which can get me excited and hot-blooded. Well, It’s all Shane!
I am your biggest fan of you and your films especially Transformers. It’s very popular here in Taiwan and is probably the coolest film I’ve ever seen. I have to say it’s my pleasure to write a letter to you because you are a Captain Lennox! What a hero! You really fit the character, Captain Lennox, very well because you are super tall and natural. I think no other actors can do any better than you did and Transformers would not be complete without you – Captain Lennox! I really can’t wait to see your next film, When In Rome. Is that right? It looks like a romantic love film which is great as well and can show the totally different part of you from the Transformers you were in.
I’m sorry if my handwriting is hard for you to read or my English is not easy for you to understand. That’s because English is not my language. I’ve learned it for just few years. I’ve tried my best. I can write Chinese if you want haha.
I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, Could I have your autograph? If so, thank you! I have never written a letter to a celebrity before but I chose to write to you because I admired your performance in the Transformers film so I would be very grateful if you could send me an autograph. Besides, can you write something to me as a reply? I know you must be very busy but…that’s just my wish.
Thanks for spending your time reading my letter and thanks for your autograph! I appreciate it!!
Wish you a big success
Shane
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is there any grammar faullt?
Dear Josh, how have you been? ............. OR
Dear Josh
how have you been? .......................
......................................................
Wish you a big success OR
Wiching you big success?
you meant asking him to write something to me as a reply could be considered pushy by the celebrity? So should I ask him in another way or just don't say that?
thank you
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Josh, how have you been? My name is Shane. I’m from Taiwan. I’m 19 years old and a sophomore in Chung Yuan Christian University. I major in Finance. I enjoy learning English but I still chose to study finance anyway. I spend most of my free time surfing the internet and listening to music. I love almost all kinds of music. Of course I also spend some of my free time exercising. I’ve joined the volleyball team of finance department since I was a freshman. By the way, I think we share the same interest on soccer! I know you love playing soccer but I do love watching soccer games lol. It’s hard for me to fine a football field actually. I watch the World Cup every four year!! I am also a film freak. As long as a new film comes out, I can wait to see it. Of course I mean the films I like such as Transformers! As you can see, my favorite type of film is action and science fiction. I love films which can get me excited and hot-blooded. Well, It’s all Shane!
I am your biggest fan of you and your films especially Transformers. It’s very popular here in Taiwan and is probably the coolest film I’ve ever seen. I have to say it’s my pleasure to write a letter to you because you are a Captain Lennox! What a hero! You really fit the character, Captain Lennox, very well because you are super tall and natural. I think no other actors can do any better than you did and Transformers would not be complete without you – Captain Lennox! I really can’t wait to see your next film, When In Rome. Is that right? It looks like a romantic love film which is great as well and can show the totally different part of you from the Transformers you were in.
I’m sorry if my handwriting is hard for you to read or my English is not easy for you to understand. That’s because English is not my language. I’ve learned it for just few years. I’ve tried my best. I can write Chinese if you want haha.
I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, Could I have your autograph? If so, thank you! I have never written a letter to a celebrity before but I chose to write to you because I admired your performance in the Transformers film so I would be very grateful if you could send me an autograph. Besides, can you write something to me as a reply? I know you must be very busy but…that’s just my wish.
Thanks for spending your time reading my letter and thanks for your autograph! I appreciate it!!
Wish you a big success
Shane
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is there any grammar faullt?
Dear Josh, how have you been? ............. OR
Dear Josh
how have you been? .......................
......................................................
Wish you a big success OR
Wiching you big success?
you meant asking him to write something to me as a reply could be considered pushy by the celebrity? So should I ask him in another way or just don't say that?
thank you
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests