my Final Draft of first letter

[smackedsillyxxx]

I thank you all for your tips and here is my edited letter.

Dear Sammie Pennington,
My name is ------- I am 23 years old and I am from the United States in the state of Florida about 15 minutes from the beach. This winter it went down to around 35 degrees and I nearly froze to death . I am a total nerd when it comes to video games, but I do still find time to play the guitar and work. The best game I played recently was Uncharted 2 for the playstation 3. I mainly play rock music on the guitar and I work on computer systems / design web sites. If you ever need a web site I’m your guy . I listen to a lot of different types of music, but my favorite band would definitely be Godsmack. I saw them in concert 7 times. Besides all that I also play golf any chance I get and living in Florida makes that pretty easy. When I do not feel like going out and I spend the night in my two favorite television shows to watch are Ghost Whisperer and Dollhouse. I originally contacted you via facebook for your fan mail address, which I thank you for helping me find since I would have never found it. I first became a fan of yours when I saw you in Front Magazine June 2008 issue, which is the first time I ever bought Front. I continue to buy Front each month, but your cover issue is still my favorite one. I hope to see you on the cover again soon then I can have two favorite issues. I think all your work is great, but Front is the only magazine of yours that I own since I do not get many of them here in the United States. Since I do not get them I keep up with all your current work online, but not in a stalker way . Lastly would it be possible for you to autograph the picture I have included or if you do not like that picture to send me an autograph picture of your choice? If it is not too much trouble can you personalize it To Eric. I included a self addressed envelope and an international reply coupon to pay for shipping charges. Well I better let you go I know you are very busy unlike me slacking off at work . I wish you the best in everything you do and I hope 2010 is amazing for you.

[scarybun]

I'll probably be skewered for this by other members, but I think you've included way too much stuff about yourself. When I write a letter, I try to put myself in the shoes of the celebrity I'm writing to. If I have a stack of potentially hundreds of fan letters, would I prefer to read something quick, friendly, and to the point, or would I want to find a letter full of words that I'm forced to skim over to reach the final paragraph so I can learn what the heck you want me to sign so I can move on to the next letter? If this were the only letter that celeb read, it would be perfect and maybe even too short. But it'll be one of hundreds if not thousands. They'll skim it at best (or have a secretary read it).

Anyway, my two cents, and again, I expect many to argue with me. But I would personally trim out a few sentences about your hobbies and interests and get to the meat of the matter sooner. The shorter your letter, the more likely a celeb is to read every word of it since it's not a huge investment of their time.

[downtoearth]

I'll probably be skewered for this by other members, but I think you've included way too much stuff about yourself.

I agree completely.

Also, I'd remove any sentence with the word "stalker" in it.

[osiris]

I tend to agree (and about the stalker bit). I'd suggest jumping from "I nearly froze to death" (which is a funny, friendly intro - though I'd like to see you try even a British winter, -15C last week! lol) to "I originally contacted you via facebook." A little about yourself is fine, but you're bordering on telling them your life story, and they don't have time for that.

[ursha]

Hi!
I like your letter, very nice one, but I'd correct 2 things. First one is stalker thing and second one...I'd leave this out:

I listen to a lot of different types of music, but my favorite band would definitely be Godsmack. I saw them in concert 7 times. Besides all that I also play golf any chance I get and living in Florida makes that pretty easy. When I do not feel like going out and I spend the night in my two favorite television shows to watch are Ghost Whisperer and Dollhouse.

I love that sentence: ''I mainly play rock music on the guitar and I work on computer systems / design web sites. If you ever need a web site I’m your guy'' Great one ;)
But it's your letter so are the one who will decide about everything at the end.
Good luck! ;)
-Urša

[jenniferlovesHP]

i agree with everyone completely. most celebs only have the time and patience to skin through a letter if they even read it at all. it is good to add in some humour here and there but talking about 'stalkers' can be kind of awkward. also, they do like to know about their fans personal life but they don't want to be overtaken by it.

hope it helps,

Jennifer x

[packrat]

The only thing I can add is:

1) That you should format your letter into three separate paragraphs. First paragraph is about you, second is about them, third paragraph is where you request an autograph.

2) Omit the smileys.

[musicfan]

i think you said too much about you and not enough about why u like the star and if they inspired you or something...

but i still think it needs ore editing..sry.

[Jaffer]

The only thing I can add is:

1) That you should format your letter into three separate paragraphs. First paragraph is about you, second is about them, third paragraph is where you request an autograph.

2) Omit the smileys.

First, I would never, ever mention the word "stalker" in ANY way in a letter I was writing, even if in the context you are using it. I find that people who say "not in a stalker way" tend to actually be kind of stalking :neutral:

I think point 1 that I quoted is a good one. I t will make the letter flow and last about a page, which is enough to show your a fan, but not too much that it becomes a short novel! However, there is nothing wrong with smileys, as long as its a simple or , nothing too complicated.

[johnnylightning]

I think the letter is fine,don't read too much into it just be yourself in the letter and send it...The only part i agree with is i would leave out the stalker part i personally think its funny and most people would know its a joke but still i would leave the word stalker out ...